JOKES

Snakes!

A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither.

The son asks, Dad is we poisonous snakes?

The father replies proudly, Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?

Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!
Red light, go!

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.

As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.

She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!

Mildred turned to her and said,
Oh my goodness! Am I driving?

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I m a Genie

My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, Are you a genie?

Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.

He replied, Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes.

The child s mother blurted out, Really?
Dropping the S

Shortly after my son started college, the president of the university had an assembly for the new students.

Welcome to Johns Hopkins, he began. And please note that it s Johns, not John. Then he told how one of his predecessors, Milton Eisenhower, had been invited to talk at the University of Pittsburgh.

After he was introduced as the president of John Hopkins, Eisenhower said, Thank you। It s great to be in Pittburgh.